Spirit animals and my relationships
I have learned a lot over the years about spirit guides, angels, and spirit animals. They have helped me in several of my close relationships.
Growing up I have always had a deep fondness and affection for animals.There have been very few times in my life that I was without a pet because of the joy that they bring me in my life.
Occasionally, a shadow animal will appear to me in a dream with a clue or a warning for me to take heed. Usually it can be a snake that makes me think about someone I am having trouble with. Or a fierce bear chasing me that evokes or triggers some sort of subliminal fear I may have about moving forward in an area my life.. Other times they come into my life through divine orientation as masters and teachers to share their knowledge and medicine with me.
For example; a few months ago a large raven and her family moved in on the property.
Instead of running her off I noticed she had a sweet but clumsy little baby that followed her everywhere she went. I quietly observed her for a week or so to study her habits and because her family now lived here they became very protective of the property so we were no longer worried about hawks or owls attacking our chickens when outside during the day. In exchange for her protection I give her small morsels of corn and cornbread to feed her family.
There was a time when I loved the strong power of the black panther but when I moved deeper into the Country red tailed hawk kept coming to me because they lived on the property. They came to sit near me often and I always felt a sense of safety and protection from them. Sometimes hunters would try to come on the property to shoot the hawks and I always found a way to stop them.
One day I was sitting outside and the hawk was with me sitting in a tree a few feet away.
A man I didn’t feel all that comfortable with came over to see my ex and I told him that he wasn’t home and we stood at his car talking for a while. People can say it is a coincidence when an animal offers you its protection but after a while the tone of the guy turned negative toward me and he started picking on me and making little insults geared toward making me feel bad about myself; which he was really good at. Bashing women was his specialty.
Out of the blue the hawk went into the woods and came back with the enormous tuna sized carcass of a fish and dropped it right onto his windshield then circled back to scream at him with an ear piercing shriek. After that he was afraid to come over because he said I was a witch and he was afraid I would put a spell on him or something but it has always been this way with my connection with animals.
That night the hawk came to me in a dream and said “Woman Who Walks In His Sacred Hawk Spirit; you are one of us.” and because of this I am able to tap into hawk medicine whenever needed. I founded my Reiki practice based on this Sacred Hawk Medicine.
I have had many experiences with animals when out in nature. They bring an air of mystery and of the sacred into my life.
Women don’t become wild by running from their problems. We face them head on and little by little the wildness comes out of us a little at a time.
I don’t speak of my accident very often but when we got pregnant again and this time it was a tubal.
3 days after finding out we were pregnant with twins I became very sick. So sick I couldn’t move on the bed. And my mother had to call an ambulance for me. That day I lost the babies when my Fallopian tube ruptured, almost killed me. I was hemorrhaging on the way to the hospital and by the time I arrived there I had lost so much blood they had to do a full body transfusion. It is the most blood a person can get at one time. I took it as a clear signal that enough was enough.
While I lay on the operating table I died four times and I could see myself walking down this long tunnel filled with light. At the end of it Jesus was waiting there for me. I thought he would lecture me for not listening and trusting my inner gut feelings when it came to my guy.
Several deer relations came up to me and said they would show me around. I asked who they were and how I knew them and they said they were the deer I found while living at my uncle’s house that I gave a proper burial to when the hunter’s threw their carcasses on the ground in his back yard. I was so honored that they came to me in this way. Their medicine still held strong to me even in the after-world. And from that day forward deer have been my spirit helpers and I became a wildlife conservationist to help them as well. I feel a blessed and deep rooted spiritual connection to all animals but the gentleness of twin deer and the cleverness of sister hawk keep coming back to shelter and nurture me with their love.
A few days later after I recalled my daughter saying “George Bush is the president of the United States” and that’s when I woke up from my hospital induced coma.
Another few days later a soccer ball sized tumor developed in my abdomen and I had to have a complete hysterectomy. And following that my organs dropped and had to have another serious surgery. Things haven’t always been easy for me but God put me on this earth for a reason.
Reiki and meditation helped me after long painful months of suffering and post traumatic stress disorder issues at night. I returned to Buddhism and my Shamanism studies and put the abuse of men behind me. My spirituality and my family are more important than any relationship with a man ever could be. You have to know your own self before you can know another fully. I have spent the younger and better parts of my life between the two men I have loved. I am now ready to find my own path in this world. Not one that has been cleared out for me by someone else that wants me to go there but one I forge myself through determination and hard work.
I am thrilled that there is a place in my life now for the creative freedom that I crave so that I can be the person I desire to be and the person that God wants me to be without anyone else telling me otherwise. Slowly I am learning what safe boundaries are when in an intimate relationship. What’s to be allowed from someone I may one day love and what isn’t. No more opposing sides of love.
Now when I journey I meet with hawk and deer frequently. And they still keep a watchful eye over me. When something is amiss hawk will come to me with wings flapping in distress and when things are well hawk will sit with me quietly.
I am honored to receive their guidance and their medicine.